Accidental Southern Belle

I Dare You Not to Look at the Baby

Seriously, you will have no idea what they talked about...and neither do they...actually the funniest part about this is watching Keith Olbermann's face as he tries NOT to look at the drooling baby.

This is funny too:

On the Pulse of Morning by Maya Angelou

A Rock, A River, A Tree
Hosts to species long since departed,
Marked the mastodon.

The dinosaur, who left dry tokens
Of their sojourn here
On our planet floor,
Any broad alarm of their hastening doom
Is lost in the gloom of dust and ages.

But today, the Rock cries out to us, clearly, forcefully,
Come, you may stand upon my
Back and face your distant destiny,
But seek no haven in my shadow.

I will give you no more hiding place down here.

You, created only a little lower than
The angels, have crouched too long in
The bruising darkness,
Have lain too long
Face down in ignorance.

Your mouths spilling words
Armed for slaughter.

The Rock cries out today, you may stand on me,
But do not hide your face.

Across the wall of the world,
A River sings a beautiful song,
Come rest here by my side.

Each of you a bordered country,
Delicate and strangely made proud,
Yet thrusting perpetually under siege.

Your armed struggles for profit
Have left collars of waste upon
My shore, currents of debris upon my breast.

Yet, today I call you to my riverside,
If you will study war no more. Come,

Clad in peace and I will sing the songs
The Creator gave to me when I and the
Tree and the stone were one.

Before cynicism was a bloody sear across your
Brow and when you yet knew you still
Knew nothing.

The River sings and sings on.

There is a true yearning to respond to
The singing River and the wise Rock.

So say the Asian, the Hispanic, the Jew
The African and Native American, the Sioux,
The Catholic, the Muslim, the French, the Greek
The Irish, the Rabbi, the Priest, the Sheikh,
The Gay, the Straight, the Preacher,
The privileged, the homeless, the Teacher.
They hear. They all hear
The speaking of the Tree.

Today, the first and last of every Tree
Speaks to humankind. Come to me, here beside the River.

Plant yourself beside me, here beside the River.

Each of you, descendant of some passed
On traveller, has been paid for.

You, who gave me my first name, you
Pawnee, Apache and Seneca, you
Cherokee Nation, who rested with me, then
Forced on bloody feet, left me to the employment of
Other seekers—desperate for gain,
Starving for gold.

You, the Turk, the Swede, the German, the Scot …
You the Ashanti, the Yoruba, the Kru, bought
Sold, stolen, arriving on a nightmare
Praying for a dream.

Here, root yourselves beside me.

I am the Tree planted by the River,
Which will not be moved.

I, the Rock, I the River, I the Tree
I am yours—your Passages have been paid.

Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need
For this bright morning dawning for you.

History, despite its wrenching pain,
Cannot be unlived, and if faced
With courage, need not be lived again.

Lift up your eyes upon
The day breaking for you.

Give birth again
To the dream.

Women, children, men,
Take it into the palms of your hands.

Mold it into the shape of your most
Private need. Sculpt it into
The image of your most public self.
Lift up your hearts
Each new hour holds new chances
For new beginnings.

Do not be wedded forever
To fear, yoked eternally
To brutishness.

The horizon leans forward,
Offering you space to place new steps of change.
Here, on the pulse of this fine day
You may have the courage
To look up and out upon me, the
Rock, the River, the Tree, your country.

No less to Midas than the mendicant.

No less to you now than the mastodon then.

Here on the pulse of this new day
You may have the grace to look up and out
And into your sister's eyes, into
Your brother's face, your country
And say simply
Very simply
With hope
Good morning.

Via Manhattan Users Guide

Well, other than the snow in October, I don't think so. Except it might be possible BECAUSE I agree with TUCKER CARLSON!!! He has a new piece on The Daily Beast called "In Defense of Elitism". Subtitle "Wouldn't it be nice if we stopped pretending that anyone can run the government?" For real.

After weeks of SAYING I was going to do it, I finally went to Obama headquarters here in town yesterday to get a sign for my lawn and some pins to wear. I was on foot, so I had to carry my sign home, about a quarter of a mile through town. It's a lawn sign, so it's kind of hard to hide and it's on two sticks, so it was really good at catching wind like a sail. So, I couldn't hold it by my side, I had to carry it in front of me. At first, I was embarrassed...it was like I was on parade with my sign...except nobody else was in my parade. And then, a woman drove  by and gave me a thumbs up sign. A little kid said "Obama!" as I passed and a woman and her daughter stopped me to ask where they could get a similar sign. And then all of a sudden, I was like, Yeah. I'm on parade! So I carried my sign a little higher. I know my town is probably not representative of Southwest Virginia, but it was a great feeling. Go Obama!

Marge has requested that I post as many funny videos here as possible so she doesn't have to watch entire shows. Here is one she (and the rest of the 6 DEARLY BELOVED readers of this blog) will like from last week's Colbert Report:

From this week's New Yorker:
"I don’t know that it was always this way, but, for as long as I can remember, just as we move into the final weeks of the Presidential campaign the focus shifts to the undecided voters. “Who are they?” the news anchors ask. “And how might they determine the outcome of this election?”...

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

...

I wonder if, in the end, the undecideds aren’t the biggest pessimists of all. Here they could order the airline chicken, but, then again, hmm. “Isn’t that adding an extra step?” they ask themselves. “If it’s all going to be chewed up and swallowed, why not cut to the chase, and go with the platter of shit?”

Ah, though, that’s where the broken glass comes in. "

It is cold here, so I drove Matt to school this AM. On my way home, I had Morning Edition on and literally started bawling in the car when I heard this story. I think if Obama doesn't win I will be emotionally devastated.

Of course, my new hero Rachel Maddow says that you aren't a true Democrat if you don't think they are going to royally screw it up in the last few days...

You can tell them what you think.

New York Magazine's Culture Vulture reports "She appears briefly in his American Psycho and plays a major role in his lesser-known Glamorama. It's this literary-journalistic parallel that's sort of making us insane — since we know so little about Rielle Hunter and the true story of her relationship with Edwards, we are free to imagine all sorts of things. It sometimes seems like that's what the Enquirer is doing, though at other times their reporting seems all too real. In an oddly parallel way, Ellis took creative freedom with Rielle in his writing, turning her at times into a victim and into a monster."

And then: "She's the coke-addled, sex-fiend girlfriend of a jealous club owner who happens to also be sleeping with the protagonist of the novel, Victor Ward, who is a model and promoter."

John Edwards!!! What were you thinking?!

By FAR the best thing to come out of the John Edwards situation is the fact that Jay McInerney once wrote a novel about Edwards' mistress.

According to Shelf Awareness: "He said later, "I spent a lot of time with her and her friends, whose behavior intrigued and appalled me to such an extent that I ended up basing a novel on the experience." The book is Story of My Life (Vintage, $12, 9780679722571/0679722572), first published in 1988. The Druck/Hunter character is Alison Poole."

And Maureen Dowd wrote: "When you appall Jay McInerney, you know you're in trouble."

Are pigs flying? Has hell frozen over?

Well, other than the snow in October, I don't think so. Except it might be possible BECAUSE I agree with TUCKER CARLSON!!! He has a new piece on The Daily Beast called "In Defense of Elitism". Subtitle "Wouldn't it be nice if we stopped pretending that anyone can run the government?" For real.

My Own Personal Parade

After weeks of SAYING I was going to do it, I finally went to Obama headquarters here in town yesterday to get a sign for my lawn and some pins to wear. I was on foot, so I had to carry my sign home, about a quarter of a mile through town. It's a lawn sign, so it's kind of hard to hide and it's on two sticks, so it was really good at catching wind like a sail. So, I couldn't hold it by my side, I had to carry it in front of me. At first, I was embarrassed...it was like I was on parade with my sign...except nobody else was in my parade. And then, a woman drove  by and gave me a thumbs up sign. A little kid said "Obama!" as I passed and a woman and her daughter stopped me to ask where they could get a similar sign. And then all of a sudden, I was like, Yeah. I'm on parade! So I carried my sign a little higher. I know my town is probably not representative of Southwest Virginia, but it was a great feeling. Go Obama!

Viewers of The Colbert Report are Smarty Pants

Marge has requested that I post as many funny videos here as possible so she doesn't have to watch entire shows. Here is one she (and the rest of the 6 DEARLY BELOVED readers of this blog) will like from last week's Colbert Report:

David Sedaris Says it best: Chicken or Shit Platter

From this week's New Yorker:
"I don’t know that it was always this way, but, for as long as I can remember, just as we move into the final weeks of the Presidential campaign the focus shifts to the undecided voters. “Who are they?” the news anchors ask. “And how might they determine the outcome of this election?”...

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

...

I wonder if, in the end, the undecideds aren’t the biggest pessimists of all. Here they could order the airline chicken, but, then again, hmm. “Isn’t that adding an extra step?” they ask themselves. “If it’s all going to be chewed up and swallowed, why not cut to the chase, and go with the platter of shit?”

Ah, though, that’s where the broken glass comes in. "

My emotions get the best of me.

It is cold here, so I drove Matt to school this AM. On my way home, I had Morning Edition on and literally started bawling in the car when I heard this story. I think if Obama doesn't win I will be emotionally devastated.

Of course, my new hero Rachel Maddow says that you aren't a true Democrat if you don't think they are going to royally screw it up in the last few days...

What is happening here?

You can tell them what you think.

The plot thickens: Rielle was ALSO in Glamorama

New York Magazine's Culture Vulture reports "She appears briefly in his American Psycho and plays a major role in his lesser-known Glamorama. It's this literary-journalistic parallel that's sort of making us insane — since we know so little about Rielle Hunter and the true story of her relationship with Edwards, we are free to imagine all sorts of things. It sometimes seems like that's what the Enquirer is doing, though at other times their reporting seems all too real. In an oddly parallel way, Ellis took creative freedom with Rielle in his writing, turning her at times into a victim and into a monster."

And then: "She's the coke-addled, sex-fiend girlfriend of a jealous club owner who happens to also be sleeping with the protagonist of the novel, Victor Ward, who is a model and promoter."

John Edwards!!! What were you thinking?!

McInerney + Edwards + Rielle = Literary Scandal (?)

By FAR the best thing to come out of the John Edwards situation is the fact that Jay McInerney once wrote a novel about Edwards' mistress.

According to Shelf Awareness: "He said later, "I spent a lot of time with her and her friends, whose behavior intrigued and appalled me to such an extent that I ended up basing a novel on the experience." The book is Story of My Life (Vintage, $12, 9780679722571/0679722572), first published in 1988. The Druck/Hunter character is Alison Poole."

And Maureen Dowd wrote: "When you appall Jay McInerney, you know you're in trouble."