Accidental Southern Belle

Tour du Full House

To answer Hannah's question, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen is just TOO WEIRD.

Also weird (and mildly related as Hannah and I were talking about name changing the other day and how when we were little we wanted other names--she wanted Misty and I wanted Jessica, or anything ending in an "a", really). So anyway, the weird thing: a reality TV show called "There's Something about Miriam." Which is about a transgendered male to female dating unsuspecting men. I mean, I like my name and all, but if I was going to be transgendered, it's not the name I would pick. This actually kind of raises an important question: if you were going to change genders and select a name, what would your criteria be?

Stephen Colbert for President (Sort of)

This is brilliant:

There Will Be No Tattooed Mayors For You

Today was election day in ye olde beach-y towne. So, I decided I would do my civic duty and vote for Mayor. Since I am mildly irresponsible and have been ignoring all the pleas from the lovely and well-informed (not to mention articulate) public radio people to listen to the issues, I decided instead to take a break from my very strenuous job to read an online chat with the candidates for mayor and truck on over to the polling place near my house. On my way, I decided to eat an apple (this detail will come back later! get ready!).

I got there and the old lady who checked me in was so confused, I almost offered to take her place. Then, there was a, well, mentally challenged person to be frank, trying to vote next to me and didn't quite get it. So, let's just say that nobody I saw voting had all of their mental faculties (present company included).

So, by now, I have my ballot and a pen that is attached to a little voting kiosk and I still have the apple in my hand, but by now I've finished eating it and it is just wrapped up in a piece of paper towel (yes, I am under the age of 75 and no, I'm not embarassed about it). I check off my candidate for mayor (tattoo-parlor owner who thinks having a convention center in town is a bad idea, I mean, he's not going to win, so I think I should support the tattoo-ed mayoral candidate in the Semi-Dirty South) and the one City Council person I could remember the newspaper said was good. I almost also voted for the one I know has all of these embezzling financial problems, but decided that no vote for her was OK. I mean, I support tattoo-ed mayors, but embezzling council-people? OBVIOUSLY NOT.

I hand in my ballot. I am number 484, not bad! In my hometown, you are often number 33 at like 10PM (are the polls open that late? maybe not...)

On my way out, I look for a trash can and there isn't one, but there is an unattractive electioneering person who was campaigning for some city council person (not the one I voted for) and he says he will take my trash. If only he knew that it was an apple core in a paper towel. Sorry, electioneering guy! I kind of feel bad about that...it's probably the grossest trash you could give someone other than chewed gum...maybe worse than chewed gum.

Anyway, the votes are in and my tattoo-ed candidate only got 754 votes. I feel like my vote really counted. Maybe in the next election the tattoo-party candidate will get 1000 votes. (The winner, by the way, only got like 8,000 votes...so 754 isn't THAT bad...I mean, it's kind of bad, but not TOTALLY bad.)

If You're Going to Rob a Gas Station: The Weapon of Choice is Obviously a Samurai Sword

Let me just quote the best news headline I have read in a while: "Female 'Ninjas' Rob Richland Gas Station With Sword, Dagger." Yes, my friends, the apocalypse has arrived. People rob gas stations dressed as ninjas!!!!

The world has finally caught up with my sense of humor. Which means, clearly, that it is the apocalypse.

Sad News and Fun News All Living Happily Together in One Weekend Blog Post

Wow...this story makes me so sad: Palestinian kids making a living from Jewish settler trash in the West Bank...I might have to include in my book.

In more fun news, congrats to Appalachian State for the biggest upset in coellge sports history! Yay North Carolina!

The AP Shouldn't Have an Opinion

Yesterday, I read this article on CNN.com in which the Associated Press admitted that it had a week-long Paris Hilton blackout. I totally respect this.

And yet, this article is TOTALLY creepy. This Associated Press article which is attributed to nobody except The Associated Press says things like, "We felt a little sheepish that the ban was over, and braced ourselves for the comments that would come when people realized it wasn't permanent." and "So what have we learned from the ban? "It's hard to tell what this really changes, since we didn't have to make any hard decisions," says Jesse Washington, AP's entertainment editor. "So we'll continue to use our news judgment on each item, individually.""

I don't know why this gives me the heebie jeebies, but it does. An opinion columnist in the New York Times could have written the same article and it would have been fine. It's just giving a face to the anonymous nature of The AP just doesn't feel right. And exposing the fact that even The AP makes conscious decisions about what it is that they cover sort of makes all of news reporting just seem totally false to me.

I know that this is kind of an obvious point, we know what the media chooses to report to us and are at its mercy in some ways. And yet, somehow this Paris Hilton thing made me think about it more seriously and now I'm all upset and disturbed. What if something happened in North Korea and they just chose not to tell us? Of course, that probably happens all the time and there's no way for us to revolt.

I guess the control freak in me is just unhappy with this situation. It makes me nervous. And yet, there's no way to fix it. But at the very least, The AP should go back to being objective, faceless reporter of all news, no matter if it is fit to print or not. Thanks.

The TSA and Liquids

I'm so glad the TSA has relaxed the ban on liquids in carry-ons TWO DAYS AFTER I flew all over the place. What's kind of infuriating about the whole thing is that the NY Times says "a safer course of action would retain the near total ban on liquids and let the airlines supply passengers with ample beverages."

The airlines, by the way, are not interested in this at all. I was on FOUR flights last weekend, THREE of which did not serve beverages--two of which because they were "too short" and one of which was because of turbulence. But, considering that liquids in the airport are outrageously priced and the dehydrating nature of flying. It kind of seems mean. I don't know. I guess if you can afford to fly, you can afford to buy a drink in the airport. But really, what are we paying hundreds of dollars for a ticket for? Stress and delays and we can't even get a sip of diet coke?!

Two More Things

And then I swear I will turn off the evil internet.

First, while I think that it's nice that there is now a dorm for grownups in Harlem, isn't it kind of sad that all the people listed in this article can't afford to live in New York in any way that is grownup?

Second, there is a girl sitting near me in the cafe that I'm in typing on her computer and just holding the mouthpiece of a hooka in her mouth. It's kind of gross. She also talks really loudly. AND she seems to think that it is okay to go behind the counter and mess around with the music. I want to tell her to cut it out.

Third (I know I said there'd be two things, but I thought of another while I was looking up the link), considering all of the things that are going on in the world today, isn't it KIND OF sad that the top three emailed articles from NYTimes.com are the one about the dorm, one about the word "slut" and the one about using animal training techniques in relationships?

.7 MPH

So, there's this article about how thin people are just inherently more active than chubby people. They tap their fingers more, walk around more, generally are more fidgety. And that makes them skinnier. OK. Makes sense.

Hidden at the end of this article though is a brilliant thing: "In his office he has a treadmill in place of a desk..."My computer is stationed over the treadmill," he said. "I work at 0.7 miles an hour."...He has installed a second treadmill alongside his own, and he encourages visitors to hop on and stroll while they talk to him. It takes some getting used to, but, he says, envious colleagues at Mayo have been clamoring for treadmill desks."

I want a treadmill desk. Maybe I can get one when I am a Southern Belle...

Everybody Stop Whining Already

So, the OpChart says it all. Bush is getting more judges through than any other president in the past 50 years, except Jimmy Carter (who, despite the fact that he is my favorite president ever, didn't get much else done).

Enough, then, with this Nuclear Option crap. The Republicans should just CALM DOWN and think about how they'll feel about TNO when they're in the minority.