Accidental Southern Belle

Home is where...I am!

We're back from our travels to the Central Time Zone. I am ALMOST recovered from the 14 hour drive on Sunday. This is where we drove:

In case you were worried what my bangs look like, here's a photo. What's strange about the photos is that I kept thinking that the bangs were on the wrong side and then I realize that I only ever see them in a mirror and that I have NO IDEA what I look like anymore because I think they are on the other side. Goofy.

It also turns out that I have publicly admitted my love for The Bachelorette on Facebook.SO I will admit it here. MANY others have admitted their loves for it to me as well. I guess we are all companions in true silliness.

I've been away from home for so long that last night I woke up in the middle of the night and didn't know where I was. Am hoping to stick around here for a little while before I have to go away again. NO TRIPS are currently planned. Amazing.

Finally, last night we went to Matt's advisor's house for dinner and when that happens, I am all politeness, so I was helping to clear the table and one of the other professors there said something to the effect of: "You aren't domestic, this is making me nervous! Sit down!" Which was SO BIZARRE. How can he tell that if it was up to me, I would hire a staff to cook and clean?!

Sick of Being Away

I woke up in the middle of the night with my laptop and my cellphone scattered all over the futon that I have been sleeping on in the empty apartment for over a week now...it might be two weeks. I don't know. But that made me feel kind of like I am insane. An empty apartment that I pack up every day so that it doesn't look like I live there. Today it is packed in the hope that I can actually LEAVE IT. A computer straining for internet access. The Gilmore Girls season 7 on DVD. It all seems so sad.

I can't believe that I am still here. It has been fun seeing everyone, but I am TIRED of driving around like a lunatic trying to find internet access and I miss my boyfriend and my house and my bed and my life. Although yesterday's post (was that yesterday) might have made light of this situation, I miss more than cable TV.

You know how Thomas Wolfe said that thing about not being able to go home again. It's true. Even though I lived here, it is not my home. Maybe one day Parker's Collision Center will allow me to return to my actual home.

In the past week

I have had a brick thrown through my car window, drove with a PLASTIC BAG on said window (I always mock people who are doing this and then that person was me....), spilled hot tea on myself and got a burn, fell down the stairs and got a huge scrape right NEXT to the burn. Developed the worst shin splints possible. I am literally almost crippled. I look as if I have been severely abused. Plus, I haven't watched ANYTHING on television in over a week.

And yet...not so unhappy. Except about the television part. I really like television and I miss it.

Home Sweet Home

We're back! Grumpy and exhausted and ready for bed.

It was a fun trip, yes, the photos are coming.

In other news, on David Letterman this Friday, he will give this fun fact: "Turns out that Martha Washington had splinters after sex" or something to this effect. Best part of this joke: the stately woman sitting next to us leaned over to my sister and asked "What kind of sex?"

I read Birds of America, which I probably should have done before I pursued my MFA, being that it was mentioned in EVERY CLASS I TOOK IN GRADUATE SCHOOL, sometimes twice. I liked it. I mean, I recognize the brilliance and the beauty, but I also felt like there was one-note being hit repeatedly, which is not the case in SELF HELP which I much prefer. But maybe I like funny/tragic more than I like tragic.   Or maybe reading short stories on a plane is a bad idea. Or maybe I was spoiled after reading When You Are Engulfed in Flames which comes out this June from David Sedaris. Anyway, I know it is sacrilidge not to like Birds of America and I don't not like it, I just think it might have been over-hyped. Or maybe I will re-read it soon and love it more. I feel that way about "People Like That Are the Only People Here" which reveals so much more every time I read it. So, I'm open on this one. Am not closing it down.

Ok. Done with being coherent. Now I watch television and drool.

The Monthly Worry

Am one day away from the end of a looong journey. I am up in the middle of the night doing my monthly worry. I can't help but think that if I kept more lists or schedules, I would avoid this worry, but maybe the monthly 4AM worry is good for me. Gets the blood flowing.

We've spent the weekend with the family which is...well...let's just say my cousin came to dinner last night and told us that the world would run better if
1. we grew food hydroponically on barges
2. police officers patrolled the streets via public bus and while they were at it, checked to make sure that people had paid their fare with their metro cards
3. we generated energy via desalination plants instead of via oil/gas/coal

All of these things are ridiculous. I don't even know what to say about them.

BUT, the "New Croton Dam" built RECENTLY in 1908 is very, very cool.

Gardens, earth-invading robots and parades

We're staying in this gorgeous hotel called the Place d' Arms, which is a collection of 18th century townhouses surrounding a courtyard. It really is paradise. I spent yesterday afternoon reading in a patch of sun surrounded by lush trees and ivy and a little kidney-shaped pool. These are some photos I stole from their website, I will have my own soon. Front:

Garden:

Divine, no?

Near the hotel, they are filming Robosapien, a movie that I assume is about a man-turned-robot who tries to destroy New Orleans. I moseyed by this morning, giving them the opportunity to SNATCH me up as an extra...but they didn't bite. I guess I'll have to spend the day typing instead.

Yesterday I found a fab used book store that I am going to go back to today and a coffee shop where I will hang out. We also ate dinner on a balcony above Bourbon Street last night which was so fun--we saw an impromptu parade.

Sing Along with New Orleans

Good morning from the bayou! We arrived in New Orleans yesterday and we already feel like we never left. I feel like I'm not even in America when I'm here (I mean, aside from all the silly Americans here....) it feels so like another world. Already, we've had delicious seafood at Deanie's, coffee and bengiets at Cafe Dumond and (drum roll please) I won $37.50 at a slot machine at Harrah's!

Beginner's luck, I'm sure: Matt says I am the most nervous and ridiculous gambler ever. (Please note that this is only the second time I have ever BEEN in a casino (it only took me 29 years) and the first time was three weeks ago when we were here last. I don't know how people gamble...it's just so stressful. ANYWAY, I clearly don't have the disposition for it (despite the fact that my PEOPLE (i.e. the old Jews) do  like the slots!)

I forgot to bring my camera around yesterday, so I didn't get a photo of the girl in the Southern Mississippi sweatshirt pushing her shitzu in a baby-sized stoller. Nor did I take a photo of us having hurricanes at Pat O'Briens (something we neglected to do last time we were here) and singing along to the piano bar singer. OH HOW I LOVE A SING-A-LONG.

Will hopefully have photos soon.

I Want to Be In That Number

So, New Orleans is great. It is like going to Paris/Seville but only two hours on a plane. There are balconies, narrow streets, ridiculous people. Our hotel is super cool--we look out on a couryard and have a flower-covered balcondy. This after two hours on THE BEST AIRLINE EVER which is called Express jet. Seriously. They gave us lunch, and peanuts, and mints and THREE DOLLAR COCKTAILS. Fly wherever they go. Just to take their airline. It rocks. Also, they have XM Satellite radio and NICE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS. AND IT IS A REAL AIRLINE. Not fake like I thought it was after the fare was so cheap and THEY WERE SO NICE ON THE PHONE. Insanely nice.

Have been here for a few hours...so far, we wandered around the French Quarter a bit, had a drink at The Absinthe Bar, went to Faulkners Books, saw the Mississippi River, listened to a lecture about levee failures, you know, your basic trip.

In about an hour, we will be drinking hurricanes at Pat O'Briens. What a great preamble to my scary thesis reading/defense.

p.s. I will post photos soon...am using the hotel lobby computer right now...so can't quite do it yet.

On the Road Again

In a few hours, I'll be in my car on the way to Wilmington. I'm excited to go back and see everyone, but I am afraid that I might not be able to stay up late enough to see anyone! I will do my best though.

We celebrated Valentine's Day yesterday and Matthew gave me the cutest little hand-held buddha! Check it out. It is a love buddha! Awww. Sweet. (Hard to photograph though...it is sitting on the paper tray of my printer.) He also gave me orchids that have little portable water bulbs on the bottoms of them so I can bring them on the trip and make the apartment seem less, well, EMPTY.

In less romantic news, it turns out that I need to renew my domain name and it is going to cost like sixty dollars with hosting and stuff. I wonder sometimes why I must maintain that expense...and yet...I do love having my name as my email address...which Bekki points out is oddly egomaniacal.  Generally I don't think I am an egomaniac, but, who knows. You can weigh in in the comments if you'd like.

If only I was a DOT COM, i.e. I had an actual business and purpose for ye olde website.  (This is really a plea to the publishing gods that they like my new book....)

My hideous day of flying (or not flying, as the case may be)

8:30 AM: I am awakened by my phone buzzing to tell me that my flight TOMORROW is cancelled because of the impending weather.

8:45 AM: I call the airline to reschedule and they suggest I take the 8AM flight on Sunday. I respond, "But the weather will be worse then than at 1:55." Her response, "The weather is always changing." This is not what I want to hear.

9:00 AM: I decide to go on the 1:55 today.

9 AM-12 noon: I deal with my life, have lunch with my parents, try to figure out the arcane file structure that is the Creative Zen machine that my dad bought (probably wouldn't recommend getting one folks, although once we got the correct software installed it was a LITTLE better, still is a goofy little thing)

1 PM: I arrive at the airport and board plane.

2:30 PM: We are still on the plane. No movement. Something about mechanical problems

2:45 PM: We make the fateful TURNAROUND to the gate. Boo, we have to go through Charlotte.

5:05 PM: We take off on time to go to Charlotte.

7:30 PM: We land in Charlotte, rush to the new gate to find that DUE TO MECHANICAL DIFFICULTIES the plane has been delayed until 10:35.

8:00 PM: I go to the bar.

10:35 PM: NO PLANE

10:45: There is a plane, but we are not on it.

11:30: On the plane. It is a 30 minute ride, they say.

12:30: About to land, the plane pulls up and does another turn around town.

1:00AM: I get soaked on the way to my car, but my luggage WAS waiting for me.

1:43 AM: I am pantless (they're drying) typing a blog entry. Sad, sad, sad. I am going to sleep. Sweet dreams dear blog readers.

The tally:

12 hours in airports.

1 margarita

1 beer

2 books read (The Golden Compass (part of this was on audio, part book, both are great) and Sway (less great, but interesting, about Charles Manson, the Rolling Stones and a creepy film maker)

Sorry this is dull. I am exhausted. Just thought you all might want to know.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, by the way! It was a great day.